The Search is Over...

Quite a long time ago, I wrote A POST about church and my {rather conflicted} feelings on the matter.  I did attend the church I referenced in that post for about six months, nearly every week.  I even went to Sunday school, and I met some people there that I still remember fondly now.  For reasons I won't bore you with here, I fell off the bandwagon.  Life got very complicated for a time, and then our son was born.

Life got even more complicated.  Everything changed.

One thing that didn't change though, was that my spiritual existence felt very unformed.  Any time I thought of God or church or religion at all, I pictured a mental image of a blank screen with a little cursor flashing in the corner.  Like those old Compuware 486 computers used to do when you first turned them on.  Like, "Come on already will you please DO something?"  When our son turned two not that long ago, I started talking to my older sister about how I was feeling.  I told  her that I really wanted to start taking the little one to church because I wanted him to have a moral foundation upon which to grow and learn.  We talked about how we can teach our children morals but we really want/need a moral community within which to raise our children so that those lessons we teach can be reinforced by the broader "community" if you will.  We also talked about how many of our closest relationships over the years blossomed as a result of our shared experiences at church.  Call it divinity or whatever you will, but my sister had a lot of the same feelings I did regarding church.  Though we hadn't previously discussed it a lot, we had both been wrestling with it privately and wishing for a solution.

That was it then, we had to start going to church.  We enlisted the support of our younger sister, who has also been wanting to find a church she can attend.  Three sisters strong, we started church-hopping to see what was available.  The first church we attended, chosen by me, had an excellent children's ministry but left us all feeling a little uncertain in other ways.  We decided we would each choose a church per week until we (hopefully) found one about which we could all feel good.  The next week, my younger sister chose for us to try Unity Church of Ann Arbor.

As it turned out, neither of my sister's made it to church that week, which left me attending services alone with my little one.  Despite the slight, inevitable awkwardness of attending church alone, and despite the fact that I didn't know children's services were only available at the 11:00 service, meaning I had to entertain my two-year-old the whole time, I loved the church.  I found myself thinking that I really hoped my sister's would like this church too because I was pretty sure I wouldn't be looking any further.  I left there that Sunday feeling spiritually full, like I was ready to face the world and all it's complications.  My mind wandered back to points from the sermon several times that following week.  I felt not only like I wanted to be a better person, but also like I could be a better person.  I felt the way I always imagined my church would make me feel.  Since that time, my sister's have also attended--and become very fond of--the church.  We all sort of feel like we belong there, even though it hasn't been that long since we started attending.  The things I like best about this church are:

• There are many different skin tones, both among the congregation and among the clergy members.  
• They teach based on the foundation of the bible and Jesus but they relate it to today, to real life.
• They practice meditation and mind calming techniques.  
• They teach based on a set of principles that leave room for different interpretations.  
• They don't have a "my way or else" philosophy.  
• The church is not tiny but not huge.  I'm already beginning to know people and I don't feel lost in the crowd.  
• They are open to questions and individual interpretation of their teachings.  
• They love my little boy and have welcomed us with open arms.  

There are other reasons I like this church too but they can all be summed up by saying that I feel that I can truly be myself here.  I can come in with my questions, my doubts and openly seeking a stronger connection with God and that will be supported.  I can teach my son the things I believe and know that his spiritual journey as he grows will also be supported and nourished.  That is profound, and so far, so is the Unity Church of Ann Arbor.






   



                       

Bella & Tara

I am in love with this video...we humans could learn something from this awesome odd couple!

A Fellow "Greenie"

I'm not normally the type to strike up conversations with random strangers, but the other day at school the lounge where I normally eat my lunch was crammed full. I contemplated leaving and going somewhere else to eat my lunch in solitude, but then I thought better if that idea. I asked someone who was sitting alone at a table if I could share her space. She was friendly and more than happy to let me sit down, but we were both engrossed in our own activities. That is...until I removed my treasured wrap-n-mat reusable sandwich bag, one of the ones I talked about in this post. Her eyes grew wide and she gasped, saying, "Oh my gosh, that is the coolest thing I've ever seen!" She reached out her hand and then looked at me tentatively, "Can I touch it?" she asked. I smiled and nodded and she gingerly felt the shiny plastic part of my wrap-n-mat. She asked where I got it and then examined the mat even more closely to see how it was made.

That one small encounter turned out to be the beginning of a welcome lunch break conversation. From the discussion of the wrap-n-mats, we moved on to reusable grocery bags, and the whole idea of "going green," in which we were both interested, became a frame for a broader discussion that included life at school, our chosen majors, heavy backpacks, stressful professors, and our families. For the first time in a while, I enjoyed my lunch without feeling lonely. Don't get me wrong, I have my fair share of hallway acquaintances and class buddies here at Eastern, but the truth is that while I am happy here most of the time, I also often feel somewhat isolated. Maybe isolated is the wrong word...maybe I feel different. The fact is, I am different from the vast majority of my classmates. I'm no longer the young woman whose chief concerns are men and what she should wear. I'm glad I'm no longer that girl, because my life has a richness to it now that wasn't there before, but still...this does set me apart from the majority of people with whom I attend classes, and sometimes that can be hard.

All in all, solitude...and even loneliness to a degree aren't the end of the world. I may not make any lifetime friends during my time here at school, but at least I can have meaningful and memorable conversations over a shared lunch table!

Sweet Sisiters

I did this photo shoot for my friend back in late October. Hard to believe it's taken me this long to get these photos finished, but it's true. These girls are so sweet, and so photogenic...I always love the resulting images of them.

Winding Down

My semester officially ended today, which is a tremendous relief! I'm hoping I ended up with all A's, but there are two classes that are hanging in the balance between A's and B's. More than anything I am happy it's over. This was one very hectic semester and I made it through in one piece. What a nice thought that I don't even have to think about school again until next year!

Christmas is only nine days away! We went and got our tree this past weekend, which was a lot of fun. For once we weren't the ones having a family tiff.

As we were cutting our tree down there was a family walking around near us. They were going back and forth about which tree to get and then the teenage daughter said to the mother, "why are you acting like this," at which point the mother said, "I'm sick of you guys picking on me...no one gives a crap anymore" and then she started crying. Around that time, the father walked over to the pair and said, "will you guys cut it out, this is bullshit!" I felt kind of sorry for them and was happy we weren't experiencing that kind of stress. Our tree is huge this year but with the use of our handy tools, cutting it down was a piece of cake.
On our way out we passed a father and son who had come to the conclusion they had the wrong saw blade. We could tell they were getting frustrated so we offered to let them use our blade. The father was coaching his son all through the process of cutting the tree. He kept calling him "buddy," which was truly adorable." With the right blade, they had their tree cut in about five minutes and all seemed happy.

This is such a busy time of year for us. We have my niece's 2nd birthday on Dec. 20th, a Christmas party on Dec. 21st, Christmas itself, which is also Michael's birthday, our big family Christmas on Dec. 28th, and then our wedding anniversary on Dec. 29th! With all that (and then some) on the to-do list, I can see that next year will be here in no time...bring it on!

Happy Birthday, Doggy!

Today is Ditto's 9^th birthday! I'm finding it hard to believe she has been with us for so long, and at the same time I can't really remember a time without her. I can still distinctly remember the day she came home as a tiny little puppy--it was love at first sight. Happy birthday, pup...here's to many more!

P.S. Yes I have a web site for Ditto...check out her Dogster profile and leave her a birthday bone!

A Special Time of Year

There's nothing quite like fall in Michigan. The tantalizing smell of warm cider and doughnuts seems to permeate the air all around. The colors burst forth from the trees, offering their brilliant farewell on the way to winter. The days are crisp and the nights are cold. You can see your breath in the air for the first time in a long time. Early morning frost covers the world like a blanket. I could go on, for every year when autumn rolls around, I remember that fall is my most favorite time of year. Then again, every time of year is my favorite time of year! When the first silencing snow falls in December, I'll have to admit that in fact, winter is my favorite time of year...and Of course when the flowers bloom in early spring I will smile with the notion that spring is indeed my favorite time of year after all. And then summer will come again and I'll be reminded that the long, languid days in the sun are really the best part of every year, hands down. What can I say - I'm a seasons person. I sort of feel like Michigan chose me rather than me choosing her, but I don't think I would be very happy living in a place where the seasons were a blur. Michigan is my home and she fits me well.

Today husband and I went to the cider mill as an ode to this delightful autumn. The day is ideal for such a visit, as was evidenced by the many families who shared our idea of what to do on an autumn afternoon in Michigan. We got there at around 12:45 and the lines were just beginning to get long. We bought our bag of apples, got our hot cider and warm doughnuts, and sat down at a lovely table under an old tree to share our delights with the few remaining bees in the area. It was a lovely outing.

Autumn in a cup!

Good enough to share!

And I Miss You

Well this is it. I just got home from my last dinner at Los Amigos with my best friend, Molly. This eatery has been Molly's all-time favorite here in Michigan, and she and I have frequented the joint many a time over the past couple of years. Molly leaves for her new home in Maryland on Wednesday and I will miss her dearly.

It's funny - you never know when people are going to make such a huge impact on your life. If someone had told me a few years ago that I would meet Molly and her family, and that we would (almost instantaneously) develop such a strong bond with one another, I never would have believed them. I've loved her little girls so much these past few years...and I've loved her friendship more than I can explain. Actually I can't imagine what in the world I did with my time before I met Molly & Co. They've become such a regular part of the fabric of my existence that now I don't know what I'll do without them. Of course we'll still see each other, and we'll be able to stay in touch (thanks to this lovely little Internet thingy,) but things are simply different from a distance and there's no real way around that.

My heart feels heavy and sad tonight. I cried myself all the way home after dinner. I'm happy for my friends and all the new beginnings that await them in MD, but I'm going to miss them tremendously. Even though I know it's not exactly fitting, the song "Missing" by Everything but the Girl keeps coming to mind. I've always liked this song, and somehow it seems appropriate for the way I feel right now. "...And I miss you, like the deserts miss the rain..." seems to be a very good summary for today.

I also recently got some shocking news that my nephew, Nick has decided to move ~250 miles away to a neighboring state to live with his dad and his dad's new girlfriend. This has a long, detailed story interwoven into it that has no business here on my blog, but I am completely taken aback by this turn of events. I have always been very close to my nephew and I really don' know what to to with the idea that he's no longer going to live close by. I'm still processing my feelings about all of this, and I'm not really even sure I can do justice to any of that at this point in time. I've spoken to him, and we had a rather intense conversation. I'm left with feelings of anger, sadness, confusion, disbelief, and, despite my own negative feelings, love for the kid. I can't fathom how this is going to impact our family...and what a difficult change this will be. Everyone is hurting, especially my sister and that makes me so sad. Yet again, I know I will still be able to see Nick, but it just won't be the same without him here in Michigan. Again thoughts of deserts and rain spring to my mind. What can you do?

Peculiar Park Incident

On Wednesday I went to the park near my house with my sisters, my niece, my friend Molly, and her two daughters. We had a good time while the girls played, but we also discovered something rather peculiar. Apparently some local kids (probably teenagers) thought it would be funny to place an old couch up on top of the big climbing rock. I actually think whoever did this must have worked pretty hard to get the thing up there. The couch was definitely not light!



After the requisite photo was taken, Molly (being the awesome Safety Queen she is) decided to climb up on the rock and check things out. The couch was very wobbly, so Molly took matters into her own hands. After making sure no kids were in the area, she shoved the couch down off the rock. We all felt this was in everyone's best interest since someone could have gotten seriously hurt if they'd tried to sit on the couch while it was on the rock.



Of course it didn't take long for kids who were present at the time to come check out the new seating. They thought the idea of their very own couch as a park accessory was pretty cool. Even the teenagers who were "playing" at the park during this time decided to jump from the rock down onto the couch. How I love teenagers and their constant desire to set good examples for the youngsters in their midst. Unfortunately I didn't capture any pictures of their antics, even though I know how very sad that is.



I guess you never know when an ordinary afternoon at the park is going to turn into something more than a little weird. I'm glad I had my cell phone, and even more glad my cell phone is a camera phone. :)

Issues

I got some depressing news yesterday, which I can't really share here since it's not about me. Suffice it to say that someone very close to me is having some health concerns and complications. I'm worried, and this has made me realize just how much I take fro granted every single day. The reassuring beat of my heart; the steady, rhythmic filling and emptying of my lungs; the strength of my feet and legs...all of the constant work performed by my body, simply so that I may exist. The fact is that life is actually quite precious, and I think I need to be a little more grateful for what I've got. I was outside mowing the yard just now; and it's such a fresh, beautiful day . The sun is shining, the birds are singing, all seems right with the world...except that it isn't. The illusion of peace can be a strong one, but in actuality there is much turmoil out there in this big, overwhelming world.

On a slightly lighter note and speaking of mowing the yard, I calculated that I've mowed the yard approximately 312 times in my lifetime. This is based on the idea that there are about 24 weeks in a typical mowing season. I'll be 33 in August and I've been the designated yard girl for 13 of those years. I think it should be someone else's turn to mow the yard for a change!

What a Dinner!

MCL and I went to Los Amigos, my favorite local authentic Mexican restaurant with some friends tonight. We were pleasantly surprised to discover they had a live Mariachi band playing this evening, in honor of Mother's day. We were serenaded brilliantly...and let's just say there was one member of the band who certainly knew how to work for his tips! He was definitely playing it up, but we had a good time and we were entertained by the band as we ate. This was certainly a first for me...and quite an experience! In fact, the youngest member of our party, one-year-old Becca, was so mesmerized by the music that she wouldn't eat right away, it was pretty funny. Good times!

My Best Ffriends

These girls rock my world...as a favorite quote so eloquently put it:
"It's no coincidence that GOD spelled backwards is DOG!"

Finally done!

Well the semester is over at last and now I can finally relax a little! I'll be taking a math class this summer but it doesn't start until May 30, so until then I have some time to focus on some things I want to do instead of all the stuff I have to do! My semester was actually quite successful, in spite of some of my initial concerns about geography. Here are my final grades:

• Educational Learning & Development: A
• Teacher Preparation Field Experience Online Practicum: A (Pass/No Pass and I passed:)
  
• Multicultural Children's Lit: A
• Feminism, Theory & Philosophy: A
• Geography & World Regions: B

Not too bad all things considered! It was a heavy load, with work and life also piled on top, so I'm happy to have done so well. This means I've successfully completed a total of ten classes so far at Eastern, all in one short year...obstacles and all! I hope next year will go well too...I have much to do and some hurdles to jump over (math and physics!) in order to get prepared for student teaching. Mostly I can't wait to get all this education behind me so I can get a job and move on with life!!

Other than that I'm just staying busy with all the things that have been on hold due to school. My goal for this next week is to get signed up to become a sub. I went and got fingerprinted yesterday, and I have an orientation meeting on Wed. of next week. I'm hoping I can get everything lined up so I can actually sub a few days this school year, but we'll have to see if that actually pans out or not. The whole idea of subbing makes me nervous enough to feel sick...but I've got to bite the bullet at some point and get myself into the classroom! I'm sure I can handle the task, and the experience will do me good, but it will be a learning curve too. Undoubtedly there will be more to come where all this is concerned.

In other news, I found out Monday that my oldest friend in Michigan (by oldest I mean friend I've had the longest, not oldest age-wise) has just purchased a house two doors down from me! It will be interesting/exciting to have her living so close by. I'm sure we will have fun, and in many ways it will be nice to know I already know my new neighbor. :) I'm really happy for her, I know becoming a home owner is something she's been looking forward to for a long time now!

I guess that's about it for tonight. It's been a long day and I'm getting tired. It rained most of the day today, which we needed, but which also meant I was inside all day with the girls. Not bad necessarily, just more draining than when we can get outside to play.

Crazy Four!

We're dog sitting two extra pets this week and it is insane! They're all sweet dogs but we have a small house and there's only so much barking the walls can withstand...check it out!

Snow People are Cool!

Meet Sam, the snow person we built this week. This makes me happy!

Peanut Butter Toast with Heart Centers...

Sometimes it's the little things that count. Today is Valentine's Day and this is the breakfast my sweetie made for me this morning. The picture is bad because it was taken with my cell phone with very minimal lighting (there's only so much that can be forgiven by photoshop) but Michael's gesture made my morning special and I figured it was blog worthy, bad photo and all. Simple gestures can go a long way...

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

Odds

I'm thinking about odds today. We're all up against a countless amount of odds every time we leave the house. The odds that traffic will be bad or that you'll have car trouble, or worse yet be in an accident. The odds of catching the cold your neighbor has or running into your boss at Meijer when you're wearing your grungy sweat pants and you've got no make up on, the list could go on and on. Odds are a strange thing....I find it stranger still that we have language that revolves around the odds:

• "he's beating the odds"
• "against all odds"
• "the odds are in your favor"
• "odds are..."
  

what about the evens, what ever happened to those? Isn't it weird that we chose odds to carry so much meaning in our lives...I wonder where that comes from?

I'm thinking about odds for a couple of reasons:

1. My mom had a minor outpatient procedure biopsy today on a small area in her breast. She was told that it's unlikely that this type of deposit will be malignant. "the odds of these deposits being cancerous are about 1 in 5." So that's roughly 20% and needless to say we are hoping for the odds to be in her favor and for her to be part of the 80% majority. It's upsetting but also nothing to be overly distraught about at this point. I am worried but doing my best to think positively and hope/pray for the best.
2. One of my friends just had an interview in CA for a college teaching and research position he would really like to have. He works here in Ann Arbor now at the University but as of June his funding will be up so that means he needs another job. His interview went well but he is one of five candidates being considered so there it is again...that 20% chance against the odds that he will be the one. Even though I don't want this family to move...and especially not all the way to CA...I do hope for the best for him/them. And in this case I'm hoping for my friend to be the 20% minority.
   

The whole thing is weird...hoping for majority for one set of odds and minority for another. This is what my brain has been pondering all day and I just had to get it out in the open.

Auburn Weekend

Well here we are in the Comfort Inn in Auburn. Ava just woke up and is eating eggs and bannas for breakfast. She's walking around the room saying hi to everyone and then saying yay. She's adorable!

I went out with all the old high school people last night. We had a great time, dinner at Pizza King here in Auburn and then a fun evening at the Mereor, a local kareoke bar. It was good to see everyone, it's been way too long and I hope we make it a higher priority to get together a little more often over the next few years. It's strange to be back in Auburn...the town has changed so much but is still somehow the same. Weird.

Wii Wii Wii All the Way Home

WARNING: This probably shouldn't be seen by kids!

I guess I'm all about EMBARRASSING MYSELF this week! I actually can't even believe I'm posting this on my blog but I guess it is pretty funny. Thanks to my baby sister for exploiting me in such a delightful manner! :)

Highlights

I was just looking through some photos I took for a friend over the summer. These are two of the little girls I care for, the daughters of my good friends, Molly and Lee. They are so sweet and I just wanted to share a couple of the highlights of my life.