I Can Breathe Again!

Whew! Today I got the good news for which I've been waiting. I was awarded a federal TEACH grant for the 2010/2011 school year! When I read that email, I let out a huge breath that I wasn't even completely aware I'd been holding. I feel like at least one of the tons of bricks that has been weighing me down lately has been removed. The grant won't cover all of my tuition for 2010/2011 but it will cover enough that I now feel much more confident that we'll be able to work out how to pay for the rest out of pocket.

Michael is actually the one who found the grant in the first place so I'm grateful to him for pointing me in the right direction.

Honestly I feel a little bit like crying, from sheer relief. Ever since I got the news detailed in my previous post, I've had a low level of dread in the pit of my stomach regarding school and how I'm going to finish. I'm old enough to know that where there's a will there's a way but still...you usually have to make that way yourself, the hard way. I honestly didn't know how we were going to do it and I'm feeling immensely relieved right now.

The current spring semester, in which I've had three classes, is winding down this coming week. After that I've got one summer class, followed by two semesters of student teaching...then (a little less than a year from now) I'll be done. Now that will be a relief!

Smashing Brick Walls

Right on the heels of my good news about school, I received some relatively bad news about school. I called to check on the status of my spring/summer loan request and this is the information I received:

"Actually, you've reached your aggregate loan limit for undergraduate studies."

My what? Until Wednesday, I had no prior knowledge of the term "aggregate loan limit," and I certainly had no clue that I was anywhere near reaching mine. NOT GOOD, especially when you're paying for your education and supplementing your family's income (barely getting by I might add) through student loans. Apparently this term was couched (and explained) somewhere in the depths of the multiple pages of financing jargon I was supposed to have read when I signed my promissory note. My bad for simply glossing over all that stuff. Does anyone actually read it all, I wonder?

And the worst part is that no one, not one single person, ever took the time to look at my situation carefully enough to let me know that this was something about which I might have needed to be aware. I've been to counselors and I've stayed in touch. I've played my cards by the book, both academically and financially. My biggest crime is my lack of awareness and expertise about how this system operates. Now, only two short semesters away from the end, I'm receiving the news that my financial safety net is gone.

The bottom line is that where huge, bureaucratic institutions are concerned, you're on your own. You can go to as many counselors as you want but in the end, you're completely and totally on your own to navigate the waters and understand the systems. There is no real support in place for this stuff - half the time you can't even speak to a real human being anymore.

I do get it. I understand why they put limits and ceilings in place. It's to prevent people from repeatedly getting loans that they never intend to repay. But that's not me. Granted, I went about things more than a little backwards where my education is concerned but I'm not a slacker with no ambitions...and I'm certainly not intending to abuse the system in any way. But none of that matters. This is a hard limit, completely black-and-white. There are no provisions in place for someone like me who actually does have a legitimate need to borrow the last little chunk of college money I need. There is no room for someone to fall into a gray area, exactly like the one in which I now find myself. Arghhhhhhh, all of this is SO utterly frustrating!

I know I have to take my fair share of the responsibility for this SNAFU and I'm painfully aware of the fact that I'm the one who now has to suffer the consequences of my lack of awareness regarding my educational loans but still...this smacks pretty hard.

So the long story short is that Michael and I now have to find some way to come up with the requisite ~ $6,000 that I need in order to finish up my last few classes at Eastern and complete my two semesters of Student Teaching. *sigh* I have NO idea what we're going to do and I'm pretty much stressed to the max. Suddenly there's a lovely little brick wall that has obtrusively asserted itself smack in the middle of my path. Ugh.

I feel a little sick.

That being said, I'm not about to let that brick wall stand in my way. I fully intend to either go over the damn thing or smash right through it. Either way, I will finish my degree. I'm currently investigating my options so that I can come up with a plan for how to get enough money. Wish me luck!

Undergraduate Symposium & Student Teaching - Opportunities Abound!

Well the wheels are beginning to turn a bit faster for me where school is concerned. I'm finally, finally just about done with my course work and ready for student teaching! This is my last mainstream semester (it's been a rough one) and then I have four (or hopefully only three if I get my waiver for speech) classes to take this spring/summer and I'm on my way to student teaching!

I met with my cooperating teacher on Friday and she seems really nice. I'm going to be working with her from September-December of this year so I hope the relationship continues to go well. She teaches first grade in the district that was my first choice so I'm pretty happy about my placement. :) It's going to be a lot of hard, exhausting work for NO pay, which is pretty stressful but I hope it will also be a good experience that will lay the foundation for me to be a strong teacher when I finally get a job.

Speaking of getting a job, I've potentially got another great thing to add to my resume! Last week, a professor asked me to stay after class to see her. Of course I was a tad nervous but it turned out to be a very good thing. Based on some of the work I've done this semester, she wants to nominate me, along with two other students, to take part in the undergraduate symposium at EMU. I still have to gather some information and talk with the other two students to figure out exactly how this all works but I think being nominated is a pretty strong, positive statement. There are usually only 300 presentations per annual school year. With an approximated total student body of 23,000, I must be doing something right. :)

It's so nice to finally be seeing some of my hard work beginning to pay off. For such a long time now I've been in school with a seemingly insurmountable pile of classes and requirements to wade through but now, almost out of nowhere, the end is in sight and is, I think, very much an attainable goal. How thrilling!

School's out for...

...I so wish I could say "ever" like the song goes but school's only out for today. Yes, that's right, they still DO sometimes come to their senses and declare a SNOW DAY for adults!

Waiting in my email this morning was this message:

Eastern Michigan University is closed due to weather on Feb. 10

I'm doing a happy dance, even if it's only on the inside! I think I want to make a snow person today.

Window Views

Let's face it, wintertime in Michigan means I spend a lot of time indoors. This got me thinking about how much time I spend on the inside looking out--and about the views I see during that time. I decided to do a new photo series called, "Inside Looking Out" or "Views Through My Windows." I'm not sure about the title yet (any opinions?) but I can tell you this has made me look at windows and what I see through them a little differently.

Following are the photos I've taken so far. They are intentionally left in their rough, unfinished state because I want this series to be as it was actually seen, no cropping or beautifying. Likewise, they are intentionally shot with my iPhone camera rather than my Nikon because I want the rough, real-life appearance. Enjoy!

The Grapes had Other Ideas...

...whew! Today has been a busy day of running around, shopping, and playing with my son. We had a lot of errands to do, which is never all that much fun when you're dragging an eight-month-old around from store to store. Now Charlie is a dream baby (and I'm not just saying that!) but even so, he does have his limits, as does his mommy! Both of us actually fared extremely well, the day was just hectic.

Picture this:

One S.am's C.lub cart full to the brim with $350.00 worth of household necessities and food, one S.am's C.lub cart filled to capacity with a car seat bound baby and his diaper bag and one mommy pushing/pulling both carts across the crowded parking lot, opposing the frigid winds toward the car. Do you need a nap yet because I certainly do! And of course it's only at times like this when Murphy's Law comes into effect. So there I was, loading the groceries into the trunk. I picked up the large plastic container of grapes and the lid came off, spilling grapes all over the other groceries, on the ground, and at the bottom of the cart. Definitely a frustrating moment and a nuisance to clean up, but not the end of the world, right?

Well then when I got home and finally had a chance to unload the car--well after 9:00, the grapes decided to jump ship once again, this time landing face down in a clump on our snow-covered driveway.I know it's hard to see the detail in this photo but man, grapes were everywhere! At that point I began to wonder if the cosmic universe was trying to tell me not to eat these grapes or something. If so, I decided not to heed the warning, cleaned up the grapes once again and brought them in for a soak in the sink. I had a hand full a few minutes ago and they were pretty good - I guess my frustration paid off in the end...

What a day!

Regeneration

Ahhhhh, can you hear that? It's the sound of me breathing a tremendous sigh of relief! I have finally finished my fall, 2009 semester and honestly, I could not be happier! Most of the semester I felt like a rickety old train barreling down the track at breakneck speed. A couple of times I honestly thought I was going to derail and lose it all, but I managed to get to the survival station at last!

This semester would have been hard even without my new status as "mommy." The classes were overwhelming and project intensive. I had a lot of work in every class, plus exams in most of them too. Some weeks it just seemed like the workload was more than one person could reasonably handle. Add to that the fact that my priorities and obligations have changed drastically now that I'm a mom and you can see why I've been overwhelmed. There is no way I'm looking back at this important time of my life (and my son's life) ten years from now and realizing I missed his infancy and major milestones because of school.

Of course, what that means is that school is no longer at the top of my priority list, which is definitely a big shift for me. All in all it worked out fine. I still ended up with one A and four A minuses, which is better than I expected. Things still get done, they just get done in much more randomly fragmented chunks. While 2009 did not showcase the best of my best work throughout my college career...it was still not that bad. Man I'm glad to be done!

Now only one more big semester and two spring/summer classes and it will be student teaching time for me! I have a lot of mixed feelings about that, but definitely will be saving them for another post...

Two Inches...

My 17-year-old nephew was in a car accident this morning, and the paramedics told him that if he had been two inches taller, he probably wouldn't have survived. He crashed into a semi-truck and the entire roof caved. Apparently he hit the central wheel base of the truck, and if the impact would have been to the right or left even slightly, the top of the car would have been completely cut off. I saw the pictures of the car and it made me feel sick. Apparently the driver of the truck didn't even approach Nick's car because he assumed the worst. Over the years my nephew has struggled with being the kid who's shorter than all his peers. All I can say is that I am thankful beyond words for the two inches that have turned out to be vital to Nick's life.

He is okay. Bruised, scraped, and scared...but thankfully okay. After seeing those photos, I'm honestly not sure how he walked away from a crash like that with only a band-aid and a headache. I know that if I would have seen something like this on the road, I would have assumed the driver of the car probably hadn't survived. I could cry. Thankful does not even come close to my thoughts tonight. Thoughts of how much worse this day could have been send shudders down my spine.

They took him to the hospital, and have done every kind of scan you can imagine to make sure there are no internal injuries. My family is in the process of piling in the car and driving down to Indiana to visit. It's probably not essential that we go there, but we all just want to give Nick a hug and tell him we love him. I am feeling pretty shaken right now, and still pretty upset, but also tremendously thankful that he wasn't seriously hurt.

This was written earlier today. We are back home in MI now, and all seems to be as well as could be expected with Nick. Tonight I am really wishing that he wasn't quite so far away, but it is what it is.

First Day of Fall

Today marks a change in the official time of year, but given how our summer has been here in Michigan, there's not much of a difference. If anything, today has been warmer than most of the days in recent memory.

Personally I'm ready for the cooling off period that is afforded by this time of year.

School started again, and I'm busy and overwhelmed as usual. I'm reaching that point where I really need to be done...I crave the finish line! And yet it's still pretty far off in the distance, with a lot of hurdles between where I am and that magical endpoint. I know it will be here before I know it...time always has a way of flying right on by, but I'm just tired. And I'm too old to be where I am. That's the real crux of the issue right there.

As I look out my window, it's only 8:10 p.m., and it's pitch black out there. That's the one part of this time of year that I don't particularly enjoy: the darkness that envelopes us and eats people's joy.

I'm rambling tonight because I don't have that much to say, but I still feel the need to write. I passed up my regular book club meeting tonight because I had a hectic and overwhelming day at school, and I barely slept last night. That, and I didn't manage to finish the book we were reading. Again. And here I sit at my computer blogging, instead of either studying, or getting some much needed rest. Dysfunctional and nonsensical, I know...

That's messy me for you!

Panera Bread Power Outage

My sister and I went to Panera Bread for lunch this past Friday, which was a rather rainy day. Just as we were placing our order, the power went out. We waited in line for several minutes as the power flickered off and on multiple times. Each time the cycle occurred, the huge stack of pagers on the counter would flash and beep, jumping around as if in frantic excitement.

Finally I asked the manager how long she would wait before declaring the power gone and closing the doors. She asked if I had cash, and I said, "No, I actually have a gift card." She shook her head and explained that they couldn't process any plastic without power. She then turned to the clerk who had been taking our order and told him to write down orders for everyone currently in line. Looking back at me she said, "If the power happens to come back on while you're still here, please come back up and pay for your food. Otherwise, enjoy your lunch."

So we happily ate our lunch in the slightly eerie glow of the emergency backup lights. I guess we had some fortuitous timing...we left Panera Bread with full tummies and my gift card still full too, cool!