Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Some Days...

...It's official, some days I'd rather be a dog. Our dogs have all the creature comforts they could dream of in our home (OK I admit it, they are spoiled) but they don't have to pay the mortgage or lift a finger around this place! I guess I do like my opposing thumbs, but seriously...sometimes it would be nice to just be, which is an art our dogs have certainly mastered!

Lately my life has been plagued by Murphy's law. Yesterday at school I got a parking ticket b/c I didn't have my $75 hang tag properly displayed. Luckily they waved the bulk of the fine and I only had to pay $5 to clear the record, but still...I was miffed. I've also been trying to get my schedule figured out for next semester. This is always a huge chore, but in my case it's getting much worse because I'm getting to that point in my course work where several of my classes are only offered on one day and time. No night classes, no Saturday classes...NO flexibility! I'm not like the more traditional "college kid" where school is the only agenda on my list. I have a life and a mortgage and bills and and...well A LIFE. I don't have the luxury of going to school four or five days a week - I need to be able to work. With the degree I'm earning there is NO WAY it coule be done while also working full time. Even if you were a warrior and tried, it simply wouldn't work. Whatever...I'm complaining I know so I'll stop. I think I've got it all figured out now where I can attend classes three days per week, leaving two open for subbing. I'll probably also need to get a supplimental weekend job but I'll deal with that later.

Speaking of subbing...I've come to the disconcerting realization that some days I'm nothing more than a pawn on someone else's playing field. Today when I walked into the office of the school where I was supposed to be subbing in a 1st/2nd grade combined classroom, I was instead told I would be working with the 4th/5th grade "impairment class." Apparently there was a filed trip for the class I was supposed to sub in and they didn't think it would be "fair" to send a sub. The teacher who was trying to explain all this to me was horribly distracted. She couldn't figure out which end was up, much less try to inform me of what in the world I was supposed to be doing and when. In the back of my mind I'm always aware, as a sub that I may encounter a classroom with no plans or a situation for which I am not prepared. Today was that day and it was certainly a harsh learning experience. To sum it up, I basically felt inadequate and incompetent all day long. I did the best I could with what little support I had, but I'm stll left with the feeling that I failed miserably. Those kids need stability and consistency first and foremost. Having a sub is hard for them, much harder than it is for non-impaired kids. Having a sub who is completely unprepared and minimally supported...well that's a whole different level. One thing is for sure, and that is that I'm learning. Subbing has taught me tenfold what I will ever be able to learn in my theory-based college classes, great though they may be. I guess there is nothing to do but roll with the punches on days like today. I certainly had no choice in any of what was thrown my way...and I did make it through the day, along with the kids. Maybe that's all that matters.

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