Three Weeks to Go...

...Ha!  I was planning to update this blog every couple of weeks during student teaching.  Obviously that didn't happen.  It's not entirely a bad thing though, I'm kind of glad that I went the paper-journaling route. 

I could say much about my experiences but I think it would be most prudent for that to wait until after I'm officially done.  Honestly I can't believe there are only three weeks left in this semester.  I will miss the children more than I can say but I will also be so glad to have this chapter behind me.

This coming week is short because of Thanksgiving and I'm really happy about that.  The extra time off will do me some good, I'm sure.  I only have two more observations and a handful of assignments left to complete and I will be DONE.  What a tremendous relief and weight off my shoulders!

Then it's on to my next semester, which (at least at this point) seems like it will be a really good placement for me.  Come on April...come on graduation!

 





  

 

Three Weeks In

Well vacation came and went, school started, routines changed, tears fell, summer ended...and that brings us to now. 

I've been officially student teaching for three weeks now.  So far things are going well.  I am more exhausted than I've ever been, perhaps with the lone exception of the weeks prior to being diagnosed with hypothyroidism, several years ago.  In case you didn't know, keeping pace with 24 six-year-old children and then coming home to a 16-month-old toddler on a daily basis has a tendency to deplete your energy!

Overall my placement is good.  I mostly enjoy my time at school and am happy to (finally) be applying some of the knowledge I've been spending the last few years accumulating.  Today I got to do some real teaching, which consisted of reading the children a book and going over some math and grammar worksheets with them as a whole group.  Up to this point, I've been feeling rather like a (slightly) glorified secretary.  Not that I mind doing some of the prep work when that's needed but it was becoming quite excessive for a minute.  There have also been some scheduling issues, which are completely out of my control. 

There's been a lot of stress surrounding the time of day the children are slotted to go to their "specials," which are subjects like art, gym, music, technology and media.  They go first thing in the morning, which means all the academic subjects have to be crammed into one long afternoon...NOT a good arrangement for first graders!  Since I'm required to do two student teaching semesters--one for elementary education and one for early childhood education--I'm currently at the school for three full days and two half days each week.  These (along with daycare arrangements, my husband's work schedule and our car sharing arrangements) have been in place since late August.  It's not logistically feasible for me to make any major changes to my schedule at this point, which basically means I end up missing out on a big chunk of the academic schedule with the children on two days of my work week.  Granted, this is a bummer but it's not something that will be detrimental to my placement and my learning this semester.  I'll still have plenty of opportunities to observe and teach all of the subjects, not to mention the fact that I will be working five full days during the two weeks when I'm teaching my unit.  There has been so much stress surrounding all this and it's very frustrating, for all parties involved.  With the support of my college supervisor, I finally had to directly state that a schedule change was not possible for me.  It was tough for me to speak up like that, since I want to shine in my role as a student teacher but it was essential.  Once that conversation was over, some of the stress eased.  It's still a daily challenge but the stress is no longer directed at me and my schedule, which is a huge relief.

Whew!  That was unintentionally long-winded.  I'm required to keep a paper journal as part of my student teaching experience and of course, I've been writing about all this (and then some) in that.  I didn't expect to have so much to say about all this here but it just kept coming.  Stream of consciousness I suppose.  In any case, I'm done for tonight.  Time for me to go get ready for tomorrow and then get some much needed sleep.  All the stress and exhaustion aside, I do love getting up in the mornings, knowing I get to spend my day with youngsters.  I feel that my time is valuable and purposeful now, in a way that it really never has been before.  I can't imagine how great I'll feel when I reach the point where I'm actually getting paid to do something I love so much...hang out with children.  First graders are so very sweet!       

 





   

Vacation!!

One more day to go, one more day of sorrow...one more day in this old dump, vacation starts tomorrow!  

I'm feeling pretty excited right about now.  Tomorrow we leave for our family vacation to the lake and I really can't wait.  It's been two years since Michael and I have been able to get away.  We're headed to Mecosta County, Michigan where we'll be staying in a cabin right on the Lake.  My parents and two sisters (along with their familial counterparts) will be there too.  Oh, and it's also our first real vacation with our son so that will be very special.  Hopefully it will be a great week with lots of (much needed) R&R and family fun!


 

Big Wheels Keep on Turning

I could have given this post a title about the winds of change blowing because they are around here, big time!  A little over a week ago, I closed the books on my last on-campus class at Eastern.  All that's left for me before I graduate is two semesters of student teaching, the first of which starts in a little over two weeks!  There is one short year between me and my bachelor's degree and I absolutely can't wait for that achievement.  I know the year will fly by, which is a good thing on one hand and a bad thing on the other since it also means I will have a two-year-old by then.  It's unsettling to want the time to fly by so desperately and at the same time want it to slow down so I can hold onto my baby a little bit longer.   

Student teaching is called the "capstone experience" of my degree and I can understand why.  There is so much resting on my performance during this one semester in the classroom, it's a little intimidating.  At the same time, I'm very excited and very ready to put everything I've learned into practice.  I've already gotten my feet pretty wet with my substitute teaching experience but this will be different.  I will actually get to know these children and I will feel like more of an influence in their lives.  That's what it's all about for me anyway--this career choice I've made.  I want to be able to make a difference in the lives of children.  I hope this coming year is the first in a long line of opportunities for me to do that.

But oh I am terrified!  I'm not even sure exactly what I'm scared of.  I guess just the change.  I'm nervous about being a guest in another teachers' classroom.  I've met her and so far I really like her, but what if we don't get along?  What if I don't agree with her teaching philosophies? What if I overstep my boundaries in my efforts to be self-motivated and independent?  What if she doesn't like me?  And I'm worried about my feet too.  I need some good shoes but money is very limited for us at this stage of the game.  I already have issues with my ankle and I know standing on my feet all day every day is going to exacerbate that. 

Then there's the incomprehensible balance between work and home.  I know people do it all the time but I'm not sure how.  I wrote about my feelings on this a little bit in this post but they are still largely unresolved.  I've been dreaming about leaving our son in daycare.  All the dreams have been affirming ones but still, I am very nervous about this change.  I know that the only way for me to make peace with it is for it to happen and for everything to be fine.  I know that I just have to suck it up and get over the fact that someone else is going to have almost as much time with my son every week as I have with him.  That is much easier said than done though.  Even knowing I really like the woman who will be caring for him, it's so difficult for me to let go and trust the fact that he will be fine and he will adjust to the new situation.    

To add to the mix, we also have major car problems on our plate.  Buying a car, even an old one, is simply not an option for us at this point.  We really need tho old ones to hold out for this one final year, until I can find a job.  The current chariot of choice, meaning the one that gets us where we're going, is our '99 Ford Taurus.  My parents gave us this car when it was old but still in relatively good shape.  Now though, the transmission is in the advanced stages of certain death and there is a hole in the exhaust line such that the car literally roars from place to place.  How in the world am I going to maintain my dignity and put my best foot forward at my new school (which, by the way, is also the school that I would really love to work at someday) when I'm arriving in that junker every day?  The other option we have is to fix our 2001 Toyota but it's in need of repairs that are likely to run in the thousands and that is not something we can even consider. It just is what it is.  Luckily the school is not far from home and both of Michael's jobs are relatively close so the driving we will need to do is minimal.  Still though, there is only so much coaxing and praying that can be done before all the wings and prayers run out. 

To end on a positive note, we have a much needed family lake vacation coming up next week that will, hopefully, be a relaxing closeout to summer.  We'll be staying in a cabin right on the lake with my whole family, which should be lots of fun.

I Can Breathe Again!

Whew! Today I got the good news for which I've been waiting. I was awarded a federal TEACH grant for the 2010/2011 school year! When I read that email, I let out a huge breath that I wasn't even completely aware I'd been holding. I feel like at least one of the tons of bricks that has been weighing me down lately has been removed. The grant won't cover all of my tuition for 2010/2011 but it will cover enough that I now feel much more confident that we'll be able to work out how to pay for the rest out of pocket.

Michael is actually the one who found the grant in the first place so I'm grateful to him for pointing me in the right direction.

Honestly I feel a little bit like crying, from sheer relief. Ever since I got the news detailed in my previous post, I've had a low level of dread in the pit of my stomach regarding school and how I'm going to finish. I'm old enough to know that where there's a will there's a way but still...you usually have to make that way yourself, the hard way. I honestly didn't know how we were going to do it and I'm feeling immensely relieved right now.

The current spring semester, in which I've had three classes, is winding down this coming week. After that I've got one summer class, followed by two semesters of student teaching...then (a little less than a year from now) I'll be done. Now that will be a relief!

Smashing Brick Walls

Right on the heels of my good news about school, I received some relatively bad news about school. I called to check on the status of my spring/summer loan request and this is the information I received:

"Actually, you've reached your aggregate loan limit for undergraduate studies."

My what? Until Wednesday, I had no prior knowledge of the term "aggregate loan limit," and I certainly had no clue that I was anywhere near reaching mine. NOT GOOD, especially when you're paying for your education and supplementing your family's income (barely getting by I might add) through student loans. Apparently this term was couched (and explained) somewhere in the depths of the multiple pages of financing jargon I was supposed to have read when I signed my promissory note. My bad for simply glossing over all that stuff. Does anyone actually read it all, I wonder?

And the worst part is that no one, not one single person, ever took the time to look at my situation carefully enough to let me know that this was something about which I might have needed to be aware. I've been to counselors and I've stayed in touch. I've played my cards by the book, both academically and financially. My biggest crime is my lack of awareness and expertise about how this system operates. Now, only two short semesters away from the end, I'm receiving the news that my financial safety net is gone.

The bottom line is that where huge, bureaucratic institutions are concerned, you're on your own. You can go to as many counselors as you want but in the end, you're completely and totally on your own to navigate the waters and understand the systems. There is no real support in place for this stuff - half the time you can't even speak to a real human being anymore.

I do get it. I understand why they put limits and ceilings in place. It's to prevent people from repeatedly getting loans that they never intend to repay. But that's not me. Granted, I went about things more than a little backwards where my education is concerned but I'm not a slacker with no ambitions...and I'm certainly not intending to abuse the system in any way. But none of that matters. This is a hard limit, completely black-and-white. There are no provisions in place for someone like me who actually does have a legitimate need to borrow the last little chunk of college money I need. There is no room for someone to fall into a gray area, exactly like the one in which I now find myself. Arghhhhhhh, all of this is SO utterly frustrating!

I know I have to take my fair share of the responsibility for this SNAFU and I'm painfully aware of the fact that I'm the one who now has to suffer the consequences of my lack of awareness regarding my educational loans but still...this smacks pretty hard.

So the long story short is that Michael and I now have to find some way to come up with the requisite ~ $6,000 that I need in order to finish up my last few classes at Eastern and complete my two semesters of Student Teaching. *sigh* I have NO idea what we're going to do and I'm pretty much stressed to the max. Suddenly there's a lovely little brick wall that has obtrusively asserted itself smack in the middle of my path. Ugh.

I feel a little sick.

That being said, I'm not about to let that brick wall stand in my way. I fully intend to either go over the damn thing or smash right through it. Either way, I will finish my degree. I'm currently investigating my options so that I can come up with a plan for how to get enough money. Wish me luck!

Undergraduate Symposium & Student Teaching - Opportunities Abound!

Well the wheels are beginning to turn a bit faster for me where school is concerned. I'm finally, finally just about done with my course work and ready for student teaching! This is my last mainstream semester (it's been a rough one) and then I have four (or hopefully only three if I get my waiver for speech) classes to take this spring/summer and I'm on my way to student teaching!

I met with my cooperating teacher on Friday and she seems really nice. I'm going to be working with her from September-December of this year so I hope the relationship continues to go well. She teaches first grade in the district that was my first choice so I'm pretty happy about my placement. :) It's going to be a lot of hard, exhausting work for NO pay, which is pretty stressful but I hope it will also be a good experience that will lay the foundation for me to be a strong teacher when I finally get a job.

Speaking of getting a job, I've potentially got another great thing to add to my resume! Last week, a professor asked me to stay after class to see her. Of course I was a tad nervous but it turned out to be a very good thing. Based on some of the work I've done this semester, she wants to nominate me, along with two other students, to take part in the undergraduate symposium at EMU. I still have to gather some information and talk with the other two students to figure out exactly how this all works but I think being nominated is a pretty strong, positive statement. There are usually only 300 presentations per annual school year. With an approximated total student body of 23,000, I must be doing something right. :)

It's so nice to finally be seeing some of my hard work beginning to pay off. For such a long time now I've been in school with a seemingly insurmountable pile of classes and requirements to wade through but now, almost out of nowhere, the end is in sight and is, I think, very much an attainable goal. How thrilling!

School's out for...

...I so wish I could say "ever" like the song goes but school's only out for today. Yes, that's right, they still DO sometimes come to their senses and declare a SNOW DAY for adults!

Waiting in my email this morning was this message:

Eastern Michigan University is closed due to weather on Feb. 10

I'm doing a happy dance, even if it's only on the inside! I think I want to make a snow person today.

Window Views

Let's face it, wintertime in Michigan means I spend a lot of time indoors. This got me thinking about how much time I spend on the inside looking out--and about the views I see during that time. I decided to do a new photo series called, "Inside Looking Out" or "Views Through My Windows." I'm not sure about the title yet (any opinions?) but I can tell you this has made me look at windows and what I see through them a little differently.

Following are the photos I've taken so far. They are intentionally left in their rough, unfinished state because I want this series to be as it was actually seen, no cropping or beautifying. Likewise, they are intentionally shot with my iPhone camera rather than my Nikon because I want the rough, real-life appearance. Enjoy!

The Grapes had Other Ideas...

...whew! Today has been a busy day of running around, shopping, and playing with my son. We had a lot of errands to do, which is never all that much fun when you're dragging an eight-month-old around from store to store. Now Charlie is a dream baby (and I'm not just saying that!) but even so, he does have his limits, as does his mommy! Both of us actually fared extremely well, the day was just hectic.

Picture this:

One S.am's C.lub cart full to the brim with $350.00 worth of household necessities and food, one S.am's C.lub cart filled to capacity with a car seat bound baby and his diaper bag and one mommy pushing/pulling both carts across the crowded parking lot, opposing the frigid winds toward the car. Do you need a nap yet because I certainly do! And of course it's only at times like this when Murphy's Law comes into effect. So there I was, loading the groceries into the trunk. I picked up the large plastic container of grapes and the lid came off, spilling grapes all over the other groceries, on the ground, and at the bottom of the cart. Definitely a frustrating moment and a nuisance to clean up, but not the end of the world, right?

Well then when I got home and finally had a chance to unload the car--well after 9:00, the grapes decided to jump ship once again, this time landing face down in a clump on our snow-covered driveway.I know it's hard to see the detail in this photo but man, grapes were everywhere! At that point I began to wonder if the cosmic universe was trying to tell me not to eat these grapes or something. If so, I decided not to heed the warning, cleaned up the grapes once again and brought them in for a soak in the sink. I had a hand full a few minutes ago and they were pretty good - I guess my frustration paid off in the end...

What a day!